Due to the popular success of In Your House: Smileycade, I have decided to have a return WCW/nWo vs WWF PPV. Once again, I don't care what you think about my matches and how they are finished. If you have any suggestions about the next Smileycade PPV, please e-mail me. Also, I will still accept the $30 that you waste on a normal PPV, so please send me all your money. Buy a Smiley T-Shirt
On to the good stuff....
The event opens with Shane McMahon whining that the Nitro Girls get all the time to dance last Smileycade, so this time he was going to unveil his RAW girls. As they enter, they look familiar, they are all the Nitro Girls, only with one difference, they are all in the, you guessed it, the RAW. Butt Naked, and surprisingly they get a huge pop. (I wonder why.) Eric Bischoff can be seen running through the crowd looking for new Nitro Girls. The Announcing crew comes out. Tonight's announcing crew will be JR Ross, Larry Zybisco, Mike Tenay, and Tony Schiavone. Schiavone is booed as soon as he takes his seat at the announcing table. To give the people what they want, Gillberg comes to remove Tony. Schiavone takes care of Gillberg without breaking a sweat. The demolition of Gillberg made the Blue Meanie very angry. He runs at Tony then does a belly flop on him killing the announcer! YES! Larry Zybisco starts hering those voices again, and runs through the crowd looking for someone chanting his name. Mike Tenay has a nervous breakdown now that Schiavone is not announcing and runs off screaming the names of Mexican Luchadores. So Jim Ross starts the show. Without Schiavone that means there aren't going to be a million Smileycade III previews. YES! Oh yeah, buy a Smiley T-Shirt. Ernest Miller vs. Val Venis Ernest comes doing his normal shit, and says "Somebody Call My Mama." The music comes on and says "Hellllo Ladies!" and out comes Val Venis escorted by Miller's Mama. Venis runs into the ring where he is promptly dismantled by the Cat. The Cat goes over to yell at his mama for coming with Venis. During this time Venis regains consienceness and grabs a chair. When he tries to hit the Cat, mama Miller kicks him in the nut sack. She picks up a mike and starts yelling "I Am The Four Time Women's Karate Champion." "Somebody Dig Up My Mama. " Mother and Son leave the ring gleaming. The next day, Val Venis gets a sex change operation. Eric Bischoff's new Nitro girls come out to dance, it is a bunch of 80 year old women, that dance to really old music. HHH and DX come out and convince all the Nitro Girls to flash the camera. As with everybody else, they do it, show how saggy you do get after 80 years. Giant vs. Kevin Nash I know it's been done, but now that Giant is WWF, I feel this match is necessary. The match will determine who the true Corporate Giant is. The match goes as any other Nash/ Giant match, they pretend they both know how to fight. Just as Nash is ready to Powerbomb Wight, The Giant Gonzalez comes out and cleans house. Making him the new "corporate Giant." The Oddities vs. The Reformed Dungeon of Doom The Oddities come out, but are one man short, Golga is nowhere to be found. The music changes, and you hear that ever so famous laugh, and out comes the Mouth of The South Jimmy Hart, who is killed by a planted sniper (WWF and WCW pplant signs in the crowd, I plant snipers). After Hart's carcass is dragged off the set, the Dungeon of Doom come out. Led by Kevin Armstrong, Meng, Barbian, Hugh Morrus, and the Shark(John Tenta/Golga) they run to the ring and beat on the Oddities. After the Oddities are destroyed, Kevin shows the Shark something. Kevin's brother Dave is on the stage, and staps a knife in to CARTMAN. Tenta snaps and rips off the heads of all the men in the ring. then runs to try to save his little friend Eric. He leaves the arena crying, with Cartman in a casket. Buy a Smiley T-shirt. The Women of WWF vs. The Women of WCW Shortest match of the night. Debra, Jackie, Luna, Chyna, Terri, and Sable are all in the ring for the WWF. WCW's music then starts, and their women come out, theres Elizabeth, and ummmmm, no one else(I know about Macho's new woman, but the finish wouldn't work with her) Elizabeth enters the ring, and immediately removes her dress. All the women of the WWF, fall face first as they see what they will look like in 20 years. Flabby and Saggy. Winner Miss Elizabeth. DX (With Scott Hall See Smileycade 1) vs. Hogan, Pump, Buff, and Horace I wonder who the punching bags of this one.??? Let see, maybe Horace and the Road Dogg battle for 10 minutes. Then Road Dog finally Tags into XPAC, who does the Bronco Buster then tags to Mr. Ass. Ass does his little in ring schtick, and bodyslams Horace. He then tags in HHH, who Pedigrees Horace. Winner: DX. Hogan immediately kicks Horace out for disrespecting Uncle Hollywood. Pump is still a freak, Buff is still the Stuff, Hogan is still a goof, and buy a Smiley T-Shirt. Austin vs. Goldberg Austin wanted a little respect after getting his ass beat down at last Smileycade. Austin kicks Goldbeg, and then tries to put on the Stone Cold Stunner, Goldberg avoids it, and throws Austin across the ring. When Austin gets up, he spears him. Jackhammer, pin, Goldberg wins. Once again AUSTIN JOBBED TO GOLDBERG! Gillberg vs. Jericho's Little Goldberg I don't know how ot even do this match. Use your imagination. But the winner was Gillberg. Duane is overjoyed as he ends his losing streak, and has finally found a gimmick. Gillberg then immediately gos on to challenge Ralphus to a match at Smileycade III. Jericho vs. The Rock One of the most anticipated mathces of the evening. The fight never develops as the two just pass the mic back and forth between each other. Just as they are about to hook it up, McMahon appears, contract in hand, and tells Jericho his jobbing days are over. Jericho then runs and hugs McMahon in tears. Ralphus looks puzzled, but knows he has to get ready for his big match against Gillberg, so he steals some ho-hos from some kid in the audience. The next day. Jericho is put in the Oddities. Thank you hyperpimp. Hollywood Hogan vs. Saddam Hussien As Hollywood's first act as President of the United States, he has vowed to kill Saddam once and for all. Saddam comes out to the ring carrying a vial that he says is filled with Anthrax. Hogan steps back. As Saddam tries to jump over the top rope and falls, breaking the vial on the ground. Hogan does a test and finds that it was not Antrax, but plain water. He then proceeds to shove a patriot missle up Saddams ass, and launches him into orbit. Ladies and Gentlemen your president of the United States , Terry Hollywood Hulk Hogan. Buy a Smiley T-Shirt. Norman Smiley vs. Bob Spark Plug Holly For the Jobber Championship belt Gee, I wonder who will win. Smiley with the mezmerizing tit jiggle and then the Norman Conquest. He gets the win in less than 2 minutes. Everybody in the audience does the Smiley Bounce as Norm leaves with his ho's and his Jobber Championship belt. 30 Man Jobber Rumble This match will determine who fights Norm for the championship belt at Smileycade III. The final 5 contestants are in no paticular order, The Genius Lanny Poffo, Lex Luger (he is always at the end of one of these things), Barry Horowitz, Barry Darsow, and Kamala. Luger and Kamala are quickly disposed of by Horowitz. Poffo tosses Darsow over the rope without any problem. As Lanny is about to throw Barry Horowitz over the top rope, the buzzer goes off, and Randy (Poffo) Savage comes out, he immediately throws a frisbee to Lanny, and then runs at him. His momentum throws both Lanny and himself over the rope. Winner: Barry Horowitz. Gillberg challenges the decision and agrees to also fight Horowitz at Smileycade III, the winner will face Norm for the championship belt. Did I forget to mention, BUY A SMILEY T-SHIRT